The Artist's Way Archives - Page 3 of 4 - Dora Sislian Themelis Art

Nothing is Still Doing, Sort of

Beach at Dusk, close-up cropped

@2008 The Artist

I know, I know, where’s the painting? How is the bagpipe coming along? When are you going to finish that thing already? What’s the problem, the hold up?

Believe me, I ask myself these questions every day in the Artist’s Way morning pages that I write. The “censor” in the pages beats me up each day that I haven’t been to visit the bagpipe watercolor. I want to strangle that nasty “censor”! She’s mean and she keeps talking to me nagging. Thank goodness for the morning pages or I’d hear her scratchy voice all day long. I hear here right away when I awake and she doesn’t stop bothering me until I write her words in my morning pages journal. Then she gets quiet for the day. Every day that I haven’t played with that painting I hear her shooting off her mouth again. Blah blah blah. Why this? Why that? How come? What’s your problem?

I could list all my excuses for avoiding this work, but they’re all lame and you’ve heard it all before. No one wants to hear someone complain. Let’s be real. We can identify that there’s a block, some negative energy floating around I’m allowing to get to me, stopping me from going there. The trick is to get through the blocks, but when I think about it I get tired. A couple of days ago, sorting through my stuff was helpful to move through to some creative activity. That was good. Being able to identify that there are blocks to begin with is a step in the right direction. A quick artist date to the book store on Sunday was helpful just to be out in fresh air on a sunny day. A small distraction away from the “doing”.

But if I’m feeling drained and tired I’m just going to do nothing. The Artist’s Way says we creatives need time for nothing. In fact, doing nothing is still doing. It’s just an active nothing, a spiritual nothing. Nothing in the form of quiet, down time. I can do nothing really well. No knitting, no reading, no doodling, no TV, nothing. The only something is anything repetitive like vacuuming, walking, mopping, or cooking, baking to relax the body and the mind.

Feel the feelings. Say “yes” to the feelings and move on without guilt, judgement, or criticism.

Snow. Again.

Try as I might, I can’t keep my spirits up lately. The snow just keeps on coming down around here. Today I had to shovel up almost three inches of the stuff. And may I say how heavy it was? It was really heavy and my back and shoulders ache. So it’s exercise, I get it, but it’s enough already. I am done.

I wanted to ignore the snow for a while by looking at some summery watercolor paintings from my garden flowers last summer. At the time I had not yet read The Artist’s Way and was really bad at letting the household chores rule my free time. Now that I know better, the housework was my way of blocking myself off from art, subconciously. After doing the course I can identify my actions and try to veer towards ways of overcoming those blocks. Now I have tools!

The snow is my block right now. I know I’m letting the weather block me from the studio. All I want to do is sit and look out the window at the snow, snuggled up on my comfy little sofa with a cup of hot coffee and a lap blanket. What studio? What art? Huh? Oh, that. Maybe later. Maybe not.

Those summer watercolors gave me a breath of fresh air, the feeling of stretching out and a moment to warm up and relax. By looking over the paintings I took myself to that time of hot weather and sunshine, far from this dreary misery that is this year’s cold and snowy winter.

I remember that day well, when I walked through my house on the way to the kitchen. Catching a glimpse out the living room windows, I noticed the really tall pink echinachea moving in the breeze along with the black-eyed Susans and the red daylilies. Something said, “Come on outside and sit here” and I dropped everything and did just that. The travel watercolor set was available and so was the block of paper. I had the time and the motivation, and I vowed not to waste it.

Sitting on a chair in the garden, eye-level to the flowers made it seem like I was all alone in the world. I sketched the scene quickly in pencil and then went straight to color. Mindlessly, I worked purely from instinct, not thinking of which color to use next, just doing it. I imagined this might be how Monet felt painting his garden pond and bridge in Giverney, France. I painted the way the light fell on the petals and surfaces at the afternoon hour and the color of the deep darks in the shadows. It felt wonderful to lose myself in that moment.

I wish I could figure out how to get myself in that moment right now. Snow is not my friend.

Done with the Course, on with the Process

I’ve finally closed the book, so to speak, on The Artist’s Way. I re-read the last chapter, answered the Week 12 questions and the tasks, and did the check-in. It’s been a great motivator and there are things I did during the course that I believe I will continue to do for a long time.

The three pages of free thought journaling every morning will definately stay. It’s been wonderful to write down the stupid things I think I do, how dopey I think I might be, and be done with it. And the artist’s date is a must-do, whether it’s an hour or a whole day thing. Anything I can do to keep the creativity coming.

Just showing up at my desk with no agenda has allowed all kinds of ideas to flow. Once I’m there I start thinking about something and suddenly I find myself painting for hours, where I had no intention to do so.

The Artist’s Way has allowed me to be creative in whatever medium I feel like using at the moment. If I knit I don’t feel guilty that I didn’t paint. I know I’m “doing” anyway. I’m more comfortable knowing it’s the process not the outcome. Show up and do, rather than think about it and don’t.

So the last few days have been a little hectic and I didn’t get to paint. Besides, the light in my studio keeps shutting off for some reason and it’s caused me to avoid the space. I hate sitting at my desk in the middle of something and the light shuts off. I’ll have to get that fixed, but in the meantime I was knitting. I finished another pair of socks for the online shop, worked a pair for a gift, and started another. While I knit I think of colors, shapes, textures, ideas, designs, it’s great. Knitting was a mini artist’s date with myself and the process of creating. It’s a must.

Process Painting

A good lesson I learned from The Artist’s Way was that it’s acceptable to go into the studio with no idea what will happen once I get there, if anything. I used to think I had to have a plan, execute that plan, and end up with a pleasing outcome. Honestly, I think I set myself up for failure with that thought because I’d end up doing everything else except go to my desk. In my head I rebelled against it because I just wanted to fool around with the paint, doodle, and do “nothing”. Now I know I’m better off doing “nothing” and maybe I’ll come out with “something”. I know, wacky artist in the house!

The thing is when I doodled and did what I thought was nothing, I’d be happier. It was fun and didn’t feel like working. That’s one thing about doing The Artist’s Way course is it makes you become aware and steers you towards the process of art which could lead to exciting ideas. It makes you feel like playing again another day and see what happens next.

I’ve been playing with watercolors for a while so they’re readily available to me. I love oil painting, but since I cleaned my palette a few years ago I haven’t been able to start up again. I bought a couple of small stretched canvases recently so maybe something will happen with them soon. For now, it’s watercolor. I just thought I’d see how the paint reacts with different brushes, wet paper or dry, what will happen to the paint when I add one color next to previously applied colors. Playing with the medium to see how controllable, or not, it is.

Beach at Dusk ©2000 Dora Sislian Themelis
11×14 Watercolor

With no agenda, painting was a pleasure. I let the watercolors dry and went back to look at what I painted. When I saw some little idea of a landscape I went in with more paint and pulled out small ideas of the sand, shore and dunes. I painted beach fencing with small brush strokes and defined the beach a bit.

It was a good session in the studio. If I had thought ahead what I was going to do there I might not have felt so comfortable. Lesson learned: process, play.

I’m a Slacker!

Yeah, okay, I said I was at the end of The Artist’s Way, but I’m not done with it. Totally, not done with the course in Week 12. How can I be done if I didn’t do the tasks? I’m a slacker! Is there a good reason why I can’t get it together over here, or what? Okay, so I’m in a pouty, stomping my foot mood. Blah. Didn’t do the tasks, didn’t have the artist date, didn’t paint. I did do Morning Pages every day. I fooled around with some beads and made a new bracelet, but that’s not what I wanted to do this week. Now Christmas is coming and I barely did anything about that! I need to make a list, but I already have a list and I can’t stick to it! I’ll end up with a list of lists! I need to take a deep breath, in, hold, and out.

How do you handle it when you have so many things to do and can’t get to any of them? I get one thing done and forget the other. I do the other, and forget the next. I make one necessary phone call and don’t have time for the other call. And then I forget to make the other call all together. This is bad! Am I ever going to be free of these “things” and just spend the day painting? Nah, don’t think so.

I remember my last semester in college when we didn’t need to be in class to paint. We were to have a meeting with the professor once a month for a critique of the work we were doing at home or where ever we were painting. Weeks were passing and I felt like I had all the time in the world. I was doing everything but painting, Daydreaming of painting was more like what I was doing. Thinking about what I wanted to paint while the time passed. What else was I doing? I don’t even know. Other things were happening, I was at home as a commuter student, so–I don’t know! It’s a blank.

Then one day I received a postcard about when the meeting with the professor would take place. It was going to be that week. Yikes! I had nothing! I knew what I was supposed to be working on and decided in a flash to get to it. My prof had previously told me to paint bigger! I tend to paint big in too small a space. Every time I painted bigger he’d say, Paint Bigger! So I got out the roll of canvas I had, kicked it out on the floor of my basement and where it stopped I cut it. I painted and painted, all day and into the night. Five feet high by nine feet long later I was done! Did I say I work well under pressure? Well I do. Doesn’t mean it’s a good thing.

Who could stretch such a big canvas in a small space? I painted it flat, rolled up the damp oil painting, and threw it in my car to take it to my class. Well, the professor was thrilled with my BIG work. Eventually, I painted four more like that. They were color studies and as I went on to each I used the minimum of colors to get the same effect. They were beautiful. But did I have to be shocked into doing what I needed to do? What’s with that? I worked as if someone was chasing me with a lit torch. It’s too stressful and panicky.

I’m trying to avoid that kind of panic in my life. But I don’t think I’m going to change much. Someone once asked me what I was like years ago and what made me think I was going to be much different now? I guess I’m still the same person, but I’d like to think I could change a couple of things, right?

At the End

Day’s End, Watercolor on paper, 11×14″

Here I am at the last week in The Artist’s Way 12 week course. And I’m not happy about it. I enjoyed reading each chapter and trying to do all the tasks. I looked forward to writing the three Morning Pages of long-hand, stream of consciousness thoughts. I had started a journal anyway, but this gave my writing a purpose and a direction. Never mind that I called myself stupid, you idiot, and jerk most days in those pages. The writing habit emptied my brain of nonsense and helped keep a tidy space all up in there!

The weekly tasks were difficult for me to keep up with though. I plan go back to various weeks and complete them. I know they were there to help, but somehow I managed to avoid many tasks. I don’t know why. Did I resist doing them? It seems it’s normal for creative people to throw obstacles in our own path because doing the task is scary. Moving ahead puts us off sometimes, so we resist.

Anyway, I’m thinking I won’t really be done with the course just yet. And the Artist’s Date. Time to play all by myself! That was an absolute pleasure when I pinned myself self down to indulge in it. At each week’s end was a check-in that asked if we did the Morning Pages every day, did we do the self-pampering Artist’s Date, if so, what? These two things will have to become a “must do”.

At a gathering this weekend someone asked me what I did. I said I was an artist and talked about my paintings and handmade items. The woman I was speaking to was awestruck and began planning for me to show at some venue. I found myself saying Yes! I gave out my handy business card. I was so ready! The Artist’s Way talks about synchronicity and there it was. Things were just falling into place as if it were meant to be. Before reading this book I may not have been so bold or so ready.

If I stick with it, art will easily become a larger part of my day, every day. Art as process, art as play. The course says creativity requires faith, which means we give up control. But giving up control is scary and we resist. The resistance is the block on the path to creativity. That quiet internal Yes! is what leads us on the right path. So I’m sticking with the Artist’s Way plan and I’m just going to keep on saying Yes!

Back In the Studio

Playing in the studio again the other day trying to make it a daily habit. Eventually, I’ll get in there for a couple hours each day. Until that habit kicks in I’m thankful for the times I do find myself at my desk instead of in the kitchen.

I’ve been wanting to visit the local art supply store to look over some new watercolor paints. The old tubes I had were dried up. The new ones I had didn’t have the range of colors I really wanted. I don’t want to resort to my travel set because then I’d need to replace those pans, too.

When you buy an introductory set of five tubes they don’t always offer the colors you want. Strange colors I would never buy are included. So I need to supplement the sets with more paints. Some how I can’t get to the store! Is it a block? Am I putting other things in my way so I never get there? I don’t know, but the great thing is that I painted anyway in spite of the weird colors.

Five large tubes of MamieriBlu and twelve tiny tubes of Holbein paints is what I have. The MamieriBlu are wonderfully creamy and hold up nice while painting. The Holbein are also nice to work with. I had my eyes on a set of Russian Yarka paints.

However, some wonderful fellow artists on the Etsy shop forums gave me great info on them and I decided to stick with what I have. I don’t feel like spending good money on inferior quality paint.

Off to the studio to look at the disaster of a painting I did last week. The Artist Way course says bad paintings point the way to a different style. Ok, so I did a junky painting. I felt like thowing paint on the paper in an effort to abstract the marigold work.

Well, let’s say it looked like a mess of color. Instead of ditching it, I went back to it and tried adding line, blotching some color out and generally playing with it. Just a play date in the studio.

Maybe it wasn’t what I had in mind, but a good effort anyway. I’m not that embarrassed to show it. Thankfully, things sometimes work out in the end if you try again.

Artist Date at the Guggenheim

Recently, I visited the Guggenheim Museum in New York City to see the Vasily Kandinsky exhibition. It’s on 5th Avenue in the 80’s on Museum Row where there are other museums and galleries. The Guggenheim is a cool place to visit in itself and was designed by Frank Lloyd Wright.

Outside and inside, the walls of the building twist around and around, floor to floor, as you view the paintings. It’s visually stunning. From the inside lobby you can see the ceiling and each floor circumscribes the space going all the way up. People can be seen moving around and up as they step back to view the art, some lean on the wall or hang over. Cool, weird and scary all at once.

This was my latest and longest Artist’s Date. The point of it is to go alone and be in the moment without distraction from a side-kick. As soon as you invite a friend along, the magic spell is broken. It’s no longer a play date with your inner child artist. You know how the other person always wants to go this way and you want to go the other?

Going alone insures you do what you want, when you want, and how. Since I’m the type that likes “alone” it’s perfect! I took mass transit to get there, which was wonderful and clean. I wish I had taken photos of the subway stations because each stop has it’s own flavor of mosaic tile designs on the walls. Next time. The weather was comfortably cool so I wasn’t dragging a winter coat around the museum.

With the $18 price of admission, I had the opportunity to use the headset with taped information on Kandinsky’s life and each painting in the show. The massive exhibit was very extensive with work from Kandinsky’s early years to his very last painting.

The symbolism he used told the story of life in Russia and other places he lived, his spirituality and connection of color to classical music. Very intense, bright color ruled most of his work in which he liked to abstract forms.

As he progressed in life his work became slightly more minimal, but color, form and symbolism reigned none-the-less. It was all so interesting I took notes, and I’m out of school a long time. Overall, this was a great Artist’s Date. I can’t wait for the next museum trip!

Is Mom Nutty? No, Just an Artist

Plugging along in The Artist’s Way course. I’ve finally moved myself on to Week 11- Recovering a Sense of Autonomy. It’s interesting, to say the least. The author discusses things that I know I do and don’t do. Cameron talks about calling one’s self an artist and how it feels to say the word.

Let’s be frank, full time, stay-at-home parent becomes the title, not artist. First I was a fine artist, then I became a commercial artist and wife, then a mother and homemaker. Where did the title of fine artist fit in anywhere? Over the years since graduating college armed with my BFA, I’ve painted and sketched, but not full time, 24/7 artist.

As a mom the home and family really do come first. Forget about being first or second on the list, try getting in the top ten! Not happening. I remember my professor once told me women don’t stay artists because of family obligations. Talk about artist blocks from the get-go!

Kids grow up. What do they really need from me? Laundry, food? Oh yeah, money. Some day maybe babysitting? Right now that’s it, but I’ve been doing this job for so long it’s become my block to art. I’ve realized this from working in the course. I know who I am inside my brain. I might be a little nutty, in a good way, of course! Okay, a wacky, artist mom, but responsible when I need to be. Fine.

Finally I have the freedom to leave the laundry and go to the easel. It’s been my habit to think of all the things I want to do, but can’t. All the things I want to do, but don’t. Doing this course helped me to carve out more time to play at being an artist again. I even said the word a couple days ago when asked my profession! I used to say homemaker because that’s what I thought I was. Not any more.

If what I paint isn’t great, so what? Making bad art is better than not making any art at all. Bad art could point the way to a different idea or style I might not have tried had I not played. Again, it all comes down to the “doing”, the process not the outcome. Just having the chance to make bad art is a step in the right direction.

So, yes, I’m an artist, however wacky. Sorry guys!

It’s The Most Wonderful Time of the Day

The best part of my day is in the early morning. And a Sunday morning is best of all. Sunday morning is the quietest time of any day of the week. I wake up early every day by habit anyway, even on Sundays. First things first-coffee making. The smell alone is inviting.

Next, get the newspaper from the porch. After breakfast, with the kitchen made neat and whoever is out doing their thing, I get to have another coffee, read, do the crossword puzzle, and write the Morning Pages. Outside no cars are passing by, no people yapping, no kids running around screaming, no gardener idiots, no television on, just peace and quiet. Heaven.

If I could put this time in a bottle and open it whenever I wanted this feeling I’d do it in a minute. The only thing that would make this time better would be if I was near the beach. That’d be perfection. But I’ll take it this way any time.

Since I’m writing these three Morning Pages, my brain is quiet, too. Beautiful. No brain chatter. And I’m all alone. Great. I love being by myself. Is that normal? The Artist Way says it’s normal for creatives to like and need alone time. I’ve always felt like that, but I thought maybe it’s just weird me. So I guess it’s fine.

Not many people want or need to be alone. In fact some people crave company constantly. There’s no way I could do that. I enjoy company, just not all the time. Later in my day I like some activity going on. Mostly, though, I don’t need all that extra noisy stuff. My brain can’t take it. No thanks.

With the approaching Christmas holidays come the activities and people and inviting and shopping and doing and coming and going. I’m already tired thinking about it. Just give me a little quiet time in a cozy, colorful kitchen with a newspaper and coffee in a pretty cup and I’m good.