©2010 Dora Sislian Themelis |
Coffee And Paint Drips Blog
Photos for Friday
Thought for Thursday
“Art is the itch we have to scratch, but we’re the only ones who can scratch it. And if we refuse to scratch the surface of our..resistance, if we refuse to allow..creative risk, then you will know us by how close to the cliff we are standing.”
~Week 10, Walking in This World, Julia Cameron
Just a Wild and Crazy Me
Who doesn’t worry? Who doesn’t feel fear? Is there anyone who doesn’t feel panic once in a while? Or is it just me?
“Fearful and neurotic people are those with the best imaginations. Worry is the imagination’s negative stepsister.”
Oh gee, I’m so happy to know that! So when my mind is racing and talking to me from every where blabbing it’s big mouth, my creative juices are actually working? What a relief! I thought I was just crazy!
The writing of Morning Pages should work to rid us of negative energy and talk because it siphons off the worry at the start of the day. In the pages I can name, claim, and dump most of my negative talk, anger, fear about all sorts of things and people. Dump the stuff in the page, close the book and walk away. Nausea, asthma attacks, stomach upset are all from worry and we need to recognize it as misplaced creative energy. Is it possible this book right? Wow, who knew?
Fear is scary, we think, but what we fail to see is that fear is positive. “Fear is a blip on the radar screen.” The author suggest we give Fear a pet name. Ok, now what kind of name can I give my little side-kick? I’ll have to think about that.
Fears are base on inaccurate info. When fear kicks in we are supposed to reach for action. Fear is sending a signal, but what’s the signal mean? Do I need Morse Code to figure it out? How about when you’re in the middle of a full blown panic? Tell me I can think of what the signal is while I’m waiting for my racing heart to slow down.
I don’t know, but I’m writing it all down in the Pages every morning like clock work. Well, now I feel really good knowing that all my craziness was just me being such a wildly creative artist! (Hand over mouth, laughing out loud!)
Just Going with the Flow
The painting dry spell seems to be lifting. I think we need to just do nothing for a time while the brain resets and inspiration can return. You know that thing called Life gets in the way and what can you do but sit it out for a bit.
Some things must be done and other things can be left alone. Go with the flow and forget it. I wasn’t painting and I wasn’t in my usual fist fight with resistance either. Just chilling, looking at my studio space, organizing stuff, checking out yarn and knitting, drooling over beads and just daydreaming in general. No commitment to anything. Maybe that’s the trick?
Here’s the new studio set up. I never went to IKEA, although I will eventually get there, but I confiscated a bookshelf from my son’s music room for my use in the studio. I won’t tell him if you won’t, okay?
At least I can store some things out in the open now. I’m not done. That door on the left is a closet I keep older work and other stuff. I’m planning to paint it inside and add flat files or shelving on one side with horizontal slots for canvases on the other. It’s a thought. By the way, the light still doesn’t work. I guess it’s time to call in the pros.
I started a sketch from this month’s photo suggestion at the Virtual pARTy blog. It’s not a great photo composition, but a good starting point for painting ideas. I missed the deadline to enter on the blog, but I don’t care because this has my “thing” working again, and I don’t even like horses. My focus is going to be on the nearest figure and I’m blocking out the rest as shapes and grounding lines.
Another artist already finished her work with the same idea, which isn’t all that unusual. Each artist has their own vision and techniques making each work different anyway. I’m interested in the process right now, not the outcome. Oh, and in case you’re wondering, I’m not using the new watercolor paper yet. I want to, but I’m frugal that way. I’ll finish the old paper before I use the Arches that cost big dollar bills.
And these are the beads I bought. Aren’t they just amazing? Well, I fell for the colors and then the shapes, and all kinds of ideas came to my brain. I’m compelled to arrange them with silver beads, maybe wire wrapping them, I don’t know what to do first. I set up my jewelry stuff on the opposite side of my studio desk on an old kitchen table we had when I was a kid. Yes, it’s still alive and works!
Keeping my stuff out seems to inspire me. I could be in that room for a pencil and end up seeing an idea glinting out of the corner of my eye. Before I know it I’m working on the sketch or the beads.
The week is new yet, and I have errands to run. After that my time is my own and I’ll be in my little foggy dreamland.
Remember So It Never Happens Again: April 24, 1915
Every year on April 24, Armenians around the world remember and commemorate the loss of over one million innocent Armenian people living in Ottoman Turkey in the year 1915. The question of what to do with the Armenian population started many years before 1915. I believe early recorded events were from 1895 and on, 1905, 1906, 1907, 1909 years of mass murders that took place. Muslim Ottoman Turkey was interested in Turkey for the Turks. Christians living in Turkey, for centuries before the Turks showed up, were considered infidels.
And every year, people of Armenian descent want one thing: for this act to be recognized as the first genocide of the 20th Century by the United States and countries around the world. Other countries have formally declared this systematic destruction of a race from their homeland and this massacre, a genocide.
Year after year, the U.S. government suggests it will do just that, and then pressure from Turkey, an ally, makes the U.S. back down. If Germany can say that they committed the holocaust and genocide of the Jewish people and move on, why is it such a big problem for Turkey? It is well known that Adolf Hitler himself pointed to the genocide of the Armenians when he said:
“Who, after all, speaks today of the annihilation of the Armenians?” August 22, 1939
In his campaign speeches before he was elected, President Barak Obama promised he would recognize the atrocities of 1915 as genocide. Did that happen after his election? No. Neither Pres.Clinton nor Bush would stand up to Turkish pressure and use the word “genocide”.
To this day the Turkish government insists this is just a fabricated story by a disgruntled population of people. They suggest that Armenians murdered Turks at that time. If the harrowing recollections of the people being pulled out of their homes, forced to watch parents beheaded, tortured in many ways, girls being raped, forced to march out into the desert hungry and thirsty, or to be shot en masse and dumped in the rivers are just stories, why would so many grandparents and great-grandparents make this stuff up? Why? What would they gain by fabricating atrocities like this? Where did the photos of the survivors, the piles of bodies, and the destruction come from?
Henry Morgenthau Sr., U.S. Ambassador to the Ottoman Empire. From his book Ambassador Morgenthau’s Story, 1919. He writes:
“When the Turkish authorities gave the orders for these deportations, they were merely giving the death warrant to a whole race; they understood this well, and, in their conversations with me, they made no particular attempt to conceal the fact. . . . I am confident that the whole history of the human race contains no such horrible episode as this. The great massacres and persecutions of the past seem almost insignificant when compared to the sufferings of the Armenian race in 1915.” (http://www.genocide-museum.am/eng/quotations.php)
My father’s parents lived through such things. I was small when they were alive, but my father told us some of the story of their life in, and escape from, Turkey. It seems my grandfather was shot in the wrist as a nine year old child, by Turkish soldiers who came through his town of Sis, Turkey. Much of his life was unknown as it may have been too painful to discuss with his children.
My grandmother also escaped, with some family members, to Cyprus from the large, cosmopolitan city of Adana, Turkey. The year may have been 1909. I read a book about the burning of Adana and calculated the age of my grandmother at that time. During Easter services the parishioners were locked in their church by the Turkish gendarmes and the church was being torched from outside.
Somehow my grandmother, her mother and youngest brother, was able to get out and run home, where they found the rest of the family hacked to death and strewn around their garden and home. One brother was hiding up the family’s chimney and dropped down when he realized it wasn’t the Turkish soldiers, but his mother in the house. The mother became blind from her hysteria.
Before they left their homeland they buried valuables in the enclosed garden, as did many victims of the massacres. Did they believe they might some day be able to return? If anyone did return they found Turkish families living in their homes.
These events were rarely discussed. Too painful to remember or recall. However, when my grandmother was hospitalized before she passed away, in her haze she thought my father was her youngest brother and recalled to him the day they ran home from the burning church saying, “Remember Vahan, when they burned the church, how we ran home, how we found the family dead?” Can you imagine the chill of that moment for my father?
When I was a kid I broke my ankle and visited an orthopedist for treatment. In the waiting room was an old woman who reminded me of my grandmother. A lady with similar features, wavy, gray hair, proud stature and attitude. My mother struck up a conversation with her, and found she was Armenian. They talked for a while as I listened.
My eyes strayed to her arms while she spoke because I noticed a line of tattooed numbers on her left forearm. She saw me notice them and told us that when she was a little girl, the Turkish soldiers came into her town. They rounded up the male members: rich, poor, old, young, frail, whatever. They were never seen again, her father and brothers included. Days later they came for the babies, women and girls, to march them out of the town.
The Turks decided the way to keep track of them was to tattoo numbers on the arms. I was shocked. This poor woman lived with those tattoos, a daily reminder of a horrible past. Why would she make up a story like that? Where else would those tattooed numbers come from? Ladies would never chose to have tattoos in that time.
That the Armenian people are around today is testament to their strength and drive. They found ways to survive such tragedy to keep their language, heritage and culture alive. This weekend the Armenian community is holding the annual Genocide commemoration in Times Square, New York, as well as other major cities in the world, with local dignitaries, celebrities, and speeches. Hopefully some day, important people will notice and act.
I told you the Armenian story is one that needs it’s own space.
Friday Photos
Thought for Thursday
“When we acknowledge the right of mystery to intercept and direct us, we acknowledge the larger issue that life is a spiritual dance and that our unseen partner has steps to teach us if we will allow ourselves to be led. The next time you are restless, remind yourself it is the universe asking ‘Shall we dance?'”
~Julia Cameron, Walking in This World
The Piggybacker
In the Mirror Self Portrait ©1977 Dora Sislian Themelis Oil on canvas |
Quite a few posts back, when I was reading The Artist’s Way, I wrote about someone who I identified as the Crazymaker, which was a term in that book for a friend who takes up your time and saps your energy for their own gain. In Week 8 of Walking in This World the author talks about discovering a sense of discernment. In plainer terms, trying to stay focused on making art not making it, and the difference between opportunity and opportunists.
In this book, the Crazymaker term is applied a little differently as to the opportunists and is called the Piggybacker. And Wow, is that a true visual! I knew I had a Crazymaker on my hands, but to think they were also a Piggybacker makes the whole thing more real. True to the term, this person was an opportunist, riding my wave at every turn. What I did, they did too.
If I said it, they said it. If I tried it, they tried harder. If I went to a place they had to be there. And everything was their idea. Even now, that I’ve stepped back and away, they’re still trying to hang on to my coattails. Someone once said to me “You’re the real deal, they’re just hanging on that some of it may rub off on them.”
The Piggybacker, as described in this chapter, is an opportunist who offers an opportunity by saying “I can help you” instead of “I need your help.” The better we become as artists, stronger and more visible, these others are that more attracted. “They divert our creativity to light their own path.” This is so true.
The problem is they go along undetected, undermining our direction until we finally figure it out. As in my case I had no clue! I thought this is a friend I’d known a long time, a fellow artsy type, with which I had similar interests. Not until lately did I get it that they were hanging on me for their own benefit. What a dope I was!
Flattering, persuasive and dangerous, they can choke us like weeds do flowers. They would say “This will only take a minute” and their minute could take forever to detox from, which costs us our creative focus. Done! As open souls as some of us artists are, well me anyway, if we agree with the crazy Piggybacker we could fall into something we didn’t bargain for!
Real opportunity feels good, feels special and right. Opportunists come with pressure and impulsiveness. How true! I know because I lived it.
You can’t understand how free I feel that I’ve unshackled myself from that oppression. The only thing I feel now is stupid that I allowed that to contine. Since leaving that angst behind I’ve moved so far forward it shocks me. But how and why did I stay friends with the Piggybacker for so long?
Rock Star Doctor Much?
I’m sitting at the computer searching for a new chiropractor. It’s tedious work to sift through all the information that’s out there. Most of the info is more like no info, you get that? There’s the doctor’s name and contact information on a listing and when I click through to a website there’s very little there. Or, there’s too much there.
The guy I made an appointment with last week was into building up his business more than the health side, although he seemed excited about the health benefits of it. I sat through the initial consultation and thermal spinal scan, which took forever, after waiting in that awful waiting area with a million people for an hour, only to find out that I had to return the next day. They do an informal 2 hour info/lecture on this guy’s chiropractic method, among other things they do, and after that’s over you get to see the results of the consultation. Well, after the first visit, when the secretary told me I had to return for this lecture and bring a family member because it was “very, very important”, I stopped dead in my tracks. She told me this while I was putting on my jakcet and I froze, arm in mid-sleeve with a look on my face that said, “What?” Hey, I’ve been to chiropractors before and never had to sit through an info-mercial about it! Give me a freaking break, here! I just want an adjustment and go home, thank you!
I know about of the benefits of chiropractic since I’ve had a couple of really good ones help me with my herniated disc and related pain. My first doctor passed away, the other really good one is in Manhattan, too much trouble to visit a couple times a week. Besides spinal manipulation, I use something called Emotional Freedom Technique, or EFT for short, which releases negative energy by tapping on acupunture pressure points and saying affirmations. Works really well. The NYC doctor used Applied Kineseology which is a muscle testing technique to find weaknesses in the body. Why have surgery if all this information is out there, and it works?
Well, this guy must think he’s a rock star or something, the way he lectured the 8 people at this meeting, for almost 2 hours! I’ve got things to do, mister! My eyes were rolling around in my head. I thought this was totally disrespectful of my own time. It was such a heavy sales pitch, like Rah Rah Chiropractic! Yayyyyy! Everyone in the room was clapping when he was done, but me.
Afterwards I waited in the hallway. Too noisy, hot, and whatever in that waiting room. The guy was ready and I saw him in one of the many treatment rooms. He started going over my chart. Well, I had to tell him what I thought of his waiting room, #1, and then his sale pitch, #2. I explained I am well aware of the various techniques and how they can help keep us in good health. I told him I do EFT, guided imagery, etc. Anyway, bottom line, he says I need 65 visits, twice a week, paid up front! Yikes! Um, I don’t think so. Why dump such a huge chunk of change in this guy’s hands? What if he goes under for some reason? What if I can’t continue? There were so many things wrong about this. I told him I had to sleep on it. He was shocked! He didn’t know what to do to keep me coming back to his practice. Ok, so the adjustment I finally had was really good and lasted until the next day, but to pay over $4000 to him then and there? Uh-uh.
So, here I am Googling through info. Do I have to make appointments with every chiropractor in my area to see who is normal and not a rock star? This is going to take time.